February 25, 2010

"Are you dead?"

A few months ago a small child walked by me on the street, said "are you dead?" and then got distracted by something on the sidewalk and shuffled after his mother, completely dismissing me and having no idea what he had just accused me of. As I contemplated whether a) I am in fact dead and this child is Hailey Joel Osmont trapped in time or b) He saw in one glance that I was in a dead end job in Beverly Hills, rehearsing for two shows that I wasn't getting paid for in Hollywood, and continuously in limbo trying to upstart my career in the entertainment industry by not getting an agent, not going to casting director workshops, and generally not doing anything I'm supposed to be doing because of said non-paid theatre jobs and said paid dead-end-pay-the-rent job keeping me too busy. Which brought me to defend my self to the asshole child by thinking how much joy the shows I do at my theatre bring me....but I imagine his retort would be "yes but you can do more".

At this point, unaware of my inner dialogue, the asshole child is tottling along the street giggling at his mom who is completely ignoring him and probably just had botox injected into her neck. So suck on that asshole child, I may be dead, but your mother probably doesn't love you.

A Conversation Between Me and Kevin: Part Eleven

me:
kevy


Kevin:
yes


Kevin:
WHAT


me:
hello
i just felt like saying hello


Kevin:
IDIOT

A Conversation Between Me and Kevin: Part Seven

Kevin:
sometimes jimmy olsen has to just sit there and be alone
while superman is off at the fortress

me:
why can't i be superman

Kevin:
because youre too small and weak

A Conversation Between Me and Kevin: Part Six

me:
the play that i'm working on
you should come see it

Kevin:
no

me:
i can get you a free ticket

Kevin:
can you pay me $65 an hour to see the play?

me:
...yes
its an hour and fifteen mintues

Kevin:
fine
let me see the money

me:
come to the show first

Kevin:
youre a liar
im going to caffe primo
i wont be back

me:
i don't even know what that is

Kevin:
i know

A Conversation Between Me and Kevin: PART THREE

me:
i am writing something
its called
"a conversation between me and kevin"
and its all the things you say to me
that are both stabbing and hilarious

Kevin:
when i die you will sell many copies of it

me:
and i will be rich

Kevin:
and you will be interviewed for the documentary
and you will cry as you describe how cruel i could be

me:
but that you made me stronger
because of it


Kevin:
and weaker at the same time

me:
you're like the dark side to my anakin skywalker

A Conversation Between Me and Kevin: PART TWO

me:
would you want to do a sheldon reunion show
if i produced it here in la
a show that you, me, laur, trish, robertson,
etc could be in

Kevin:
no

me:
really?

Kevin:
i dont have time for this

me:
what why?
i would make time

Kevin:
im sure you would
you dont even have a boyfriend
much less a husband
get to work on your life, michelle