February 14, 2016

A Valentine's Day Love Story: This Actually Happened To Me On An Airplane

I am on an airplane flying back to Los Angeles. It is a packed flight and every seat is filled. I luckily have a window seat. A very nice and adorable couple sits next to me. They look like they are straight out of an Urban Outfitters ad. A mix of cool and hipster and sexy and lumberjack chic. Everything I want to be. We'll call them Jill and Jack. Pretty sure they are models because they are both approximately seven thousand feet tall. However, my height estimations are often skewed since I am, in fact, a hobbit.

Jill is seated next to me in the middle seat and Jack is on the aisle. I keep glancing over at them because they just look so perfect together. Jack says hi to me and I smile but I can't think of anything to say. So I keep smiling, alternating looking at each of them. Pretty sure they are entirely creeped out by me. I finally tear my eyes away in shame.

I settle into my Game of Thrones book and day dream about the day I marry Jon Snow. Or Pod. I'll take what I can get. Once the flight takes off and gets to altitude, Jack gets out of his seat, presumably to go to the bathroom. I say a silent prayer for Jack, as airplane bathrooms are my worst nightmare.

While Jack is in the bathroom, I notice Jill is also reading Game of Thrones. I quickly try to think of some interesting thing to say about the book or the show so that Jill will think I'm cool because my new goal in life is to get her approval. I blurt out, "What is dead may never die." She smiles warmly at me and laughs, then goes back to her book. Jill thinks I'm funny. I am her new best friend.

Jack returns looking extremely agitated, and I give him a curt nod, knowing what he has just been through. He returns a confused smile. We are all becoming BFFs.

A flight attendant makes an announcement about beverage service. Jack is squirming and trying to get something out of his pocket. I assume it is hand sanitizer because of the airplane bathroom.

When the flight attendant finishes her announcement she then says, "Ladies and gentlemen, I also want to tell you that somewhere on this plane there is a boy who is very much in love with his girl and wants to spend the rest of his life by her side."

Jack suddenly gets out of his seat and is kneeling in the goddamn aisle of the plane like a fucking dreamboat holding out the most beautiful rock I have ever seen, looking at Jill with tears in his eyes. And I DIED.

Jill drops her Game of Thrones book like it was yesterday's news. Her hands fly up to her face. She bursts into tears, I burst into tears. It's weird because I'm sitting next to her so I'm in Jack's eye line and I almost wonder if he's proposing to me.

Jill rips off her seat belt and flies at Jack, yelling "Yes! Yes! Yes!" She tackles him and they lay on the floor of the airplane aisle, making out and holding each other's sexy lumberjack bodies like they'll never let go.

The entire airplane is up and out of their seats and cheering as Jack and Jill kiss. I am crying and clapping like an insane person, clutching my book. Jack and Jill look happier than I've ever seen two people up close. They get back into their seats, still clutching each other, and the flight attendant brings over champagne for them.

The plane settles down a little but there is still lively chatter. Everyone is uplifted. Love conquers all!

Jack and Jill  make out and drink champagne for the better part of a half hour while I stare at them, unapologetically. Jill looks over at me at one point and I give her the thumbs up. I immediately regret this because it made me look uncool and I want to be cool enough to be invited to their wedding.

Jack and Jill have downed their champagne and get really into their making out. Jill accidentally kicks me with her lumberjack foot. A plastic cup, emptied of champagne, flies at my head. I plaster myself up against the plane window. There is no way out. I try to look out the window but it is nighttime and I can see them in the reflection of the window. I close my eyes but can still hear the sounds of their passionate embrace.

Then everything gets quiet in our aisle. I peak open an eye to see what is going on. Jack and Jill have stopped making out. Their faces are together and Jack whispers in Jill's ear, " I love you."

And I whisper back, "I love you, too." I immediately clap my hand over my face in horror. Jack and Jill are too happy to care. Then they ask me to take some photos of them.

I spend the duration of the flight snapping pictures of Jack and Jill. I'm certain they used one of those photos as their engagement photo. If anyone needs a wedding photographer who only shoots on iPhone, I am now in business.

The flight lands and Jack and Jill thank me for the photos and exit, in all their amazonian glory. The whole plane lets them exit first. As they walk down the aisle, people give Jack pats on the back and throw airplane peanuts at them. I watch happily as they walk away, the most adorable couple in the world.

We didn't exchange numbers so I will probably never see Jack and Jill again. But I will never forget them. Love can cause so much pain and heartbreak, but I really think it's all worth it for those moments when you're plastered up against a sticky plane wall, watching two people experience the best moment of their lives, come what may. And yes I meant for that to be a Moulin Rouge reference. Love conquers all. Happy Valentine's Day!